Blakewood Read online

  I laughed, but heard the hint of promise in his voice. It seemed everything he said had double meaning. Of course, I pretended not to notice to avoid embarrassment.

  “I should return. They don’t like me to stay out after dark.”

  “They don’t like quite a lot of things. Rules for each time of the day, disapproval of associations. I imagine next they shall tell you what to wear when you are not working.” He neared as he continued. “I don’t like such rules.”

  “And that is probably why they don’t like you,” I observed aloud.

  “Do they not?” He shook his head. “No, they don’t dislike me. Well, Overton perhaps, but it is only because he fears the truth I remind him of.”

  “And what truth is that?” I pressed.

  “That he needs me.” He waved a hand as if dismissing the subject. “What of you, Miss Mason, what is your truth? What is it that you need?”

  “I need for very little. Security. Food. Shelter.”

  He grunted. “Very well. What is it you want? Surely there is something. Some secret desire that you keep locked inside. Perhaps you entertain the idea at night when there is no one around to judge you.”

  “It seems silly to entertain desires that cannot be obtained.” I settled back on the concrete as he sat next to me. “Torturous even.”

  “I indulge in every desire. Do I seem tortured?”

  I studied the slant of his mouth, the way he gazed at me from beneath those heavy lidded eyes. No, he wasn’t tortured, but sated, like a lion with a full belly.

  “Then there is nothing for you to wish for, to hope for.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. There is always more to hope for.” He smiled. “For instance, I hope for you to shed your dress and leap upon my body, wild and unkempt.”

  I laughed aloud. “I suspect you only say such things to make me think of you as others do.”

  “And what do they say?”

  I shrugged. “Keep away. You are dangerous.”

  “And you don’t believe them?”

  “I’m certain you could be as dangerous as any other if the situation and circumstances were of the right climate.” I shrugged. “The rest of the time, you are just as we all are, seeking some place in the world.”

  “I know my place,” he argued. “I’m the dark shadow of Blakewood—of society for that matter.”

  “Aren’t you lonely out in the dark by yourself?”

  His gaze met mine, seemed to bore into my very soul. “You would do well to listen to the warnings of those around you, Miss Mason. I am not a decent sort.”

  “Then why would you waste your time warning me of your flaws?” I tilted my head. “No, I think you make those around you think poorly of you so that you can avoid expectations. It’s quite a clever ploy.”

  “I kissed you. Had we been discovered, your reputation would have indeed been ruined.” He leaned closer. “Is that what you wish?”

  “It was not my first kiss and it shall most likely not be my last. I am a governess. It is expected that I shall never marry and that I will spend the rest of my life raising other people’s children. No one considers my reputation.”

  “Overton is fond of you,” he said after a moment of silence. “More than that, I imagine.”

  I stared at him. “He told you that…that he was fond of me?”

  “He didn’t have to. Oh, don’t worry about him. He wouldn’t dare do anything as impulsive as to kiss you as I did.” He leaned away and looked up at the night sky. “You like him, don’t you?”

  I licked my lips. While I’d confided to Mildred that I thought the master attractive, I wasn’t certain about revealing as much to Highcrest. How much of what they said of him was true, and how much was what he wanted them to think? Would he betray my confidence if I shared my secrets?

  “Are you afraid to say it?” His gaze slanted at me.

  My stubborn pride bubbled to the surface. “I’m not afraid. I do like him. I think him very handsome and as honorable as you accuse.”

  “Have you thought of what he might be like if he were to come to your room at night?”

  I gasped, and he laughed then, as if pleased that he’d shocked me. “If all you mean to do is embarrass me, I’ll not listen to anymore of your rambling.” I started to stand, but his hand caught my wrist.

  “Kiss me again.”

  I stared down at him not knowing what to say. He released my wrist and leaned his weight back on his hands, tilting his face up to me.

  “Kiss me as you would your handsome employer.” Those dark eyes danced in the night, clearly laughing at me. I reacted without thinking and leaned forward to press my lips against his. He didn’t move at first, sitting there allowing me to brush my lips against his. When I dared to touch my tongue to his mouth, however, his arms wrapped around me and pulled me across his lap.

  “Such passion caged inside of you,” he murmured against my mouth. “If you permitted it some freedom, I doubt even the honor-bound Leander Overton couldn’t resist you. Can’t you just imagine him dragging you down to that expensive rug in his library?”

  I stared up at him. “Why do you say such things to me?”

  “You have thought of it haven’t you? Imagined his touch, his kiss, of how it might feel if he were inside of you?” He lowered his face next to mine, his hot breath against my ear. “You could bet he’s thought of it himself. You asked if I am lonely. I entertain many lovers. Poor Leander entertains none. Who do you think is lonelier?”

  “He said he employs women who…”

  “Oh yes, he does, at least a dozen. He only goes when he feels he must fight his true nature. And as you’ve seen with your own eyes, I go whenever it pleases me.” His tongue licked at my skin, sending hot shivers down my spine. “Someone is watching us.”

  I jumped from his lap and looked around, causing him to chuckle as he rose to his feet. “You see, there is someone who considers your reputation. You.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and breathed in deeply. “Run back to the manor now. Leander will be returning home soon. If you venture down to his study in your sleeping gown before he sleeps, you might make him forget his honor.”

  I contemplated staying there with him, but part of me knew he was allowing me escape from what would happen if I remained. So I turned and quickly returned to the manor. His words filled me, however, like poison, and I found myself some hours later venturing downstairs to the study just as he suggested, wearing only my sleeping gown.

  Chapter Six

  I found Leander Overton at his desk, bent over some ledgers. The moment I stepped into the room, however, his head jerked up and his gaze found me. Then his attention dropped, sliding down the gown to my bare feet and back up again.

  “I’m returning your book.” I moved forward holding out the book of sonnets. “I finished it today.”

  “You were out late again tonight,” he accused as he took the book.

  “By accident,” I defended. “The time slipped away from me.”

  “With Highcrest.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “I’ve warned you of his character. Do not imagine he is the kind who will be content with kisses. He will always want more.”

  Heat rushed into my cheeks. I hadn’t considered he knew of the intimacies we’d exchanged. Now, shame filled me. What must he think of me? And now here I was, wearing only my sleeping gown. It was as if Highcrest had poisoned me with his talk of freedom.

  “Don’t look so stricken. You aren’t the first to give in to his will.” He dropped the book to his desk. “He has a way about him that draws some to him, but once you are close, he will use and abuse your friendship for his own selfish purposes.”

  “Are we not all very much like that anyway?” I defended, then hurried to continue. “But I will try to keep the manor as you’ve warned me. I don’t think it will matter. I doubt there are any walls that could keep him out if he wanted in.”

  “Still, I have a feeling his time with you tonight
is what led to him avoiding his responsibilities.” He pushed the ledgers away as if irritated and stood. “And now I’m left to suffer the consequences. He knows I detest what I must do and yet…” He stopped and walked to the end of the room so he could stare out the window.

  “If it is the accounting that you mean, I could do it for you. I don’t mind helping where I’m needed,” I offered. He didn’t answer nor did he look back at me, so I walked forward to his desk and had a look at the ledger he’d been working from. As I suspected, it was a log of merchandise.

  “Dear God. His penmanship is as atrocious as his behavior. It’s no wonder you don’t want to look at this,” I observed aloud. He returned and looked over my shoulder when I picked up the ledger for a closer look. I was instantly aware of him standing so close, of the heat that radiated out from him, of his masculine smell.

  “That is my own hand,” he revealed, and I inwardly winced.

  “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “Don’t be. You aren’t the first to complain of it.”

  I set the ledger down and turned, but he didn’t move away. Rather, he remained standing there with but a small step between us. I noticed the circles under his eyes were darker than before. He was obviously not sleeping.

  “You like Highcrest. Why?”

  Why indeed? Other than I’d seen him completely naked and couldn’t think of anything else but that fact alone when I was with him. Of course, I could never say that aloud.

  “I think it’s because I’ve always lived my life as I was expected to, and he does not. Perhaps I envy his freedom, as he called it. I spend much time only reading of great adventures, scandal, and secret affairs, and he lives them.” I laughed. “I know it must sound silly.”

  “Do you long for adventure? An affair?” His gaze dropped to my mouth, and my pulse quickened.

  “Perhaps part of me does, that part of me that isn’t sensible.” I shook my head. “Nothing good can come from entertaining one’s fantasies. I do know that. But when I speak with Mister Highcrest, perhaps he makes those fantasies seem more attainable so that they are not just fleeting figments of an overactive imagination. Why do you like him, sir?”

  “I don’t.” His gaze lifted to mine.

  “I don’t think that’s quite true, sir. You must or you and he wouldn’t speak so much of what you think and feel and of meetings in the dark.” I shrugged. “Sometimes we like those who are not very much like ourselves. For instance, my friendship with Mildred is like that.”

  “Mildred is not like Highcrest.”

  I laughed at that. “No, I suppose she isn’t.” When I looked at him, I felt caught by his gaze. I couldn’t look away. My breath quickened. Heaven help me, he was going to kiss me! I could see it there in his face.

  Highcrest had been correct in guessing that I’d fantasized about myself and Leander Overton together. How he’d known, I didn’t know, but when Leander’s mouth found mine, it was not as I’d imagined at all. He kissed me with such urgency and need that it nearly made my legs buckle. One hand slid behind my neck, holding me to his lips while the other snaked around me, fingers fisting in my gown. I held on to his shoulders, afraid if I let go, I would fall from his embrace. In those moments of madness, my body burned and yearning exploded within my chest. And then as quickly as it began, I was propelled away from him as he released me and took several strides across the room.

  “Go to your room. Lock the door and don’t let me in if I knock.” His voice was strained, and the words made little sense through the cloud of lust that had enveloped me.

  “I wouldn’t turn you away.” My voice didn’t sound like my own, and it shook with the need that hammered through my veins. “I wouldn’t tell a soul if it is shame you fear. I swear I wouldn’t.”

  He, too, was visibly shaking. His fingers clenched and unclenched repeatedly at his sides and, when he looked back at me, I could see he did not want me to leave him. Not truly. But when I took a step forward, he held up his hand, palm out, indicating for me to stop.

  “This is Highcrest’s doing. As you say, he is poison, and he won’t be happy until he destroys everyone in this house, including myself!” He lifted his voice and called out, “Beatrice!” The sound of her name vibrated around the room. For a moment, when he looked at me, I thought he might grab me again. Instead, he called out for Mrs. Loman again.

  She appeared in the doorway several moments later, that narrow gaze sweeping from me to Leander. Her lips pressed into a thin line.

  “I told you to keep to your room,” she snapped at me before hurrying forward to Leander’s side. “Come, you know what must be done.” She took his arm, but he jerked away from her.

  “Take her away, Beatrice.”

  Mrs. Loman glanced back at me. “No. You will come upstairs now to the nurses before you become ill.” She grasped his arm then and urged him to the door, speaking to me over her shoulder as she passed. “I warned you, Miss Mason. We cannot employ those who will not follow simple instruction. I will deal with you later.”

  Fear leapt into my chest. Oh, God, what had I done? I would be dismissed! But why? It made no sense. I watched them disappear from the library and listened to their steps as they climbed the stairs. Jumbled thoughts raced through my mind. She’d said there were nurses and that he would become ill. Those were the women employed in the west wing? She would deal with me later.

  My legs moved by their own will, and I fled from the manor, away from everything I didn’t understand. Across the cool grass of the parkland and into the trees, I ran until my legs gave out, and I collapsed against the solid trunk of a tree. Sliding to the ground, I sat there, lost in confusion and panting, working to catch my breath.

  I don’t know how long I remained. I was aware of approaching steps, but didn’t look up until someone knelt beside me. Highcrest removed his woolen cloak and wrapped it around my shoulders and, until that moment, I’d not even noticed the chill that bit through my gown.

  “They are going to send me away now,” I whispered. “I have nowhere to go.”

  “You won’t be sent away,” he said. “By morning, Leander will know how much of a fool he’d been and even if he doesn’t, I’ll make certain you aren’t sent away.”

  “He’s ill.”

  “It’s a condition, not an illness, and one that he lies to himself about. Unlike his brother, he doesn’t accept what he is.” He took me by the shoulders and guided me back to my feet. “You, however, will become ill if you remain out here.”

  “His brother has the same…condition?” I stared up at him.

  “All of the family does.” He leaned against the trunk of the tree.

  “You, too?” I pressed.

  His lips slanted. “You must not be too shaken. Your insatiable curiosity is still intact.” His gaze dropped to my gown. “I see you took my advice. I told you he wouldn’t be able to resist you.”

  “He pushed me away from him.”

  “A fool,” Highcrest drawled. “And weak. I hand him a beautiful woman, and he neglects himself still. I despise his weakness.”

  “I don’t think him weak,” I defended.

  Highcrest laughed. “That’s because you don’t understand what’s going on around you. Surely you’ve guessed there is more to this place than what is seen from the outside. You are not a stupid woman.”

  “He blamed you for what happened.”

  “Of course he did, and he’s partly correct. I dangled you in front of him purposely. I know him better than he knows himself. He wouldn’t resist. He would have to face the truth. And you saw how weak he became, how he sent you away. He needs to be reminded from time to time.”

  I stared at him. “Then you used me.”

  He shrugged. “Isn’t that what we do?”

  Shame, hurt and anger, filled me. I’d defended him, but I’d been wrong. I could see now that Leander had been right about him. He was cruel.

  “Running back to the manor now to hide from the dark? As ignorant as t
he rest of them. Just as weak.” His words forked new anger inside of me, and I slapped him across the face. Tears stung my eyes as I glared at him.

  “Will you weep now? Beg me to release you? Talk to me of honor and respectability? Save your sermon, I’ve heard it before.” He sneered at me, and I shook my head.

  “I weep because I pity you.” I almost smiled when he blinked, knowing my words hit their mark. He might not have honor, but he certainly had pride. His fingers loosened from around me, and I took the opportunity to escape. I shrugged off his coat, turned, and ran from him back to the manor and up to my room. Once there, I secured the lock and took several deep breaths as the reality of what was going on sank home.